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Jake Brooks

Dark Phoenix

Starring: James McAvoy, Sophie Turner, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Nicholas Hoult, Jessica Chastain, Tye Sheridan, Alexandra Shipp, Evan Peters, Kodi Smit-McPhee

Director: Simon Kinberg

So 1998’s Blade is the movie that actually kickstarted the Marvel superhero craze, but to the popular imagination it was 2000’s X-Men. It was a bona fide hit that spawned an even better sequel and then… um… more sequels. While the prequel series did serve as sort of a soft reboot, it is still in continuity with the original films so this series has been going for almost twenty years. But all good things must come to an end. Or at least they must when Disney buys Fox. Fox’s X-Men films have probably more good than bad (though by how wide a margin is up for debate) but all are powerless before the might of Kevin Feige’s Marvel Cinematic Universe. The Avengers long to bring their mutant brethren into the fold. But Fox had one more in the chamber. (Okay, two, but who the hell knows what will happen with New Mutants). So this is the de facto end of the X-Men series. X-Men: The Last Stand previously adapted the famous “Phoenix saga” to results that were… not great. Pretty much the nadir of the series in fact. (Okay, X-Men Origins: Wolverine is also a strong contender for that.) Now they’re taken another run at it and it is has to double as the swan song of two decades’ worth of costumes heroics.


It’s 1992 and Professor Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) now has a direct line to the President of the United States (noticeably not George Bush). The X-Men are widely regarded as heroes and acceptance of mutantkind is higher than in any previous film (including ones set over a decade after this one). So naturally when some astronauts get into a spot of bother, the X-Men fly to space to save them. Quicksilver (Evan Peters) even asks “we’re doing space missions now?” before shrugging it off like everyone else. During the rescue, Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) is hit by a big old space cloud (see also Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer’s Galactus and Green Lantern’s Paralax). Instead of killing her, she gets more powerful. Back of earth the power soon proves too much for her to control. Combined with resurfacing issues from her past, Jean starts spinning out. Plus there’s a mysterious alien woman named Vuk (Jessica Chastain) with her own agenda.


So I laughed a bunch during this movie. And I’m 90% I was not supposed to laugh at any of the parts I did. This movie is funny bad. I don’t think there’s anything overly wrong with the story itself. Which is interesting since it is written by Simon Kinberg who co-wrote X-Men: The Last Stand. He manages to blow it in a new way though. The plot makes perfect sense. Character motivations are on point and all that. I like that they explore how Professor X makes bad choices that can ruin lives. But the dialogue is clumsy. Atrocious even. Picture this: something strange starts happening. A character says to a mutant “stop that,” to which the mutant replies “it’s not me.” That happens LITERALLY THREE TIMES before the movie’s halfway mark. Most of the acting is as fine as it can be while saying stupid stupid things. Exceptions: Jennifer Lawrence is clearly ready to be done with these movies and Jessica Chastain is wooden even by the standards of this movie. Sophie Turner sure is trying her best and I think it would be a good performance in a better movie. But this is not a better movie. I absolutely despise fan petitions for remakes and, to be clear, I am NOT advocating that here but if someone rewrote the dialogue and directed it competently this would be a perfectly acceptable movie. Maybe even good. But it’s not. I think Kevin Feige wanted it released so people would rejoice at the prospect of Disney/Marvel’s inevitable reboot in the MCU. And I am. But I would’ve liked to have seen a good series go out on a better note.


D+


There is no post-credit scene.

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